“To that woman at the park offering her man fat-free cheese on whole grain bread: How dare you?”
“To the man trying to lose weight that asked for the check before his friends could order dessert: You should be ashamed.”
“Where dinner falls short for men everywhere: I’ll be there.”
“If I see a real bitch say he’s only getting salad, I’ll be there to order him nachos with extra sour cream.”
“If I see a wife close the menu on him when you know he wants dessert, expect 10 scoops and whipped cream to be coming his way.”
“Some say I’m a hero. Some say I’m a god. I call it ice cream social justice.”
“Of course I could eat the whole pie but everybody deserves a slice of it. That’s why I eat before dinner.”
Oh hey. Thanks for having good taste. This was written by a wasted member of our team. Take it with a grain of salt and maybe a bit of grain as some of it appears to be senseless. Enjoy.
Satire: John Goodman and The Gay Men
Roseanne gets high on sleeping pills, and it doesn't matter if you're naughty or nice. She starts attacking everyone, lashing out anyway she can. He decides he can fit down any chimney with Santa attire. So he plumes a neighborhood chimney and gets stuck. It's a disaster. He didnt know, but this house is a gay sex orgy cult. They start licking and lubing his asshole up and down. He finally slides down covered in spit. He says "I'm a good man, but now I'm a Gay man!"