Satire Casual Encounters: Girl at Burger King That Fingered my Asshole in the Bathroom at 2 A.M.
So I was l hungry late at night and the only place open was Burger King.... She should be called "The Burger Queen". Well, let me explain my story... The dining room was still open, and she was the only one working the cash register. She had molasses hazel brown eyes that would make your jaw drop. And speaking of jaw dropping, I got the Spicy RODEOÂ® Crispy Mystery Meat Sandwich made with breaded 100% deer meat seasoned racoon filet, topped with 3 half-strips of thick-cut smoked turkey bacon, crispy onion rings, tangy soy sauce, creamy man mayonnaise and American Cheese on all white bread. I woofed it down, but boy did I have to use the bathroom. I went to the bathroom and was on the toilet and there was no toilet paper. I pulled my pants up and awkwardly walked to the register and asked the cute girl if they had any toilet paper. She said "Follow me". We went back to the bathroom and she said to drop my pants and get on the toilet. She dipped two fingers into the toilet and then shoved it up my ass. And it was wash, rinse, and repeat. After a few times, she said "You're fully clean, I enjoyed being your human bidet!" We walked out of the bathroom. She went back to the register, and I went home. I have been to the Burger King a few times since and she wasn't there. So if you this ad please contact me.
Satire Casual Encounters: Not a Ramming, But a Rimming in an Arby's Parking Lot
It was a quiet autumn night, and I started to gain a bit of an appetite. With my crappy work schedule seldom allowing me to see my friends, and the word crappy might be a wrong choice of adjectives here, I'll explain later. I decided to go grab some chow at Arby's by myself. I got in my car with the windows down, the tunes lightly playing in the background, and the calm smooth wind playing their sweet crisp audible waves in my eardrums. When I got there several minutes later, I ordered food and sat down in the dining room. I had nowhere to go, and nothing to do, so why not eat there. I was the only person there, until she walked in. She was a smokeshow. A brick house. A masterpiece. And albeit, she was dining in too! She sat a few tables over and started eating her food. We kinda kept giving once overs on each other, without trying to get caught. I knew I had to try and do something. I had
nothing to lose, which juxtaposes eating at Arby's by yourself. I went over and she gracefully let me sit and eat with her. We laughed and had good conversation. Arbys was going to close soon, so we made our way to the parking lot. The events in that parking lot took quite a turn. We got in my car, listened to music, and kept chatting, until things got a little steamy. We started making out, and one thing lead to... Let's say not another, but something other. She tells me to get in my back seat. We both lunge in the back and I think ‘just the action I needed’. But, she pulls my pants off and doesn't reciprocate. She begins polishing my chassis, if you will, and then tells me to get on all fours and spread my buns. She begins licking the brown creamy center. And let's not forget it was still a warm, yet cool, autumn night. I also hogged down 3 Beef 'N Cheddars at Arby's right
before. Swamp ass and Arby’s stomach don't always result in one’s favor. She tickled my taint and asshole to the point of release. And I don't mean from my meat, just like the kind Arby's has. I farted in her mouth, and it was wet, loud, and gave no mercy. She cursed at me very profusely, ran out of the car, and stormed off in hers. I never knew what happened to her. But Kelce, if you ever read this, it was a magical night I'll never forget, and maybe we can consider going to a Panera Bread instead and try going all the way after we eat.