Satire: Tears From a Real Boy by Jordan Peterson

​“Lives are devastated by this thing we call COVID but can I get an onion? I try to cry and no tears will flow, I just need to cut an onion. All stores are open but none will suffice. Everything available but onions. That alone almost leads to tears but it doesn’t. Nothing with suffice. Not even the news of COVID-19. My friends come over one or two at a time, devastated with wet eyes. My eyes are dry like cake. If only I had an onion. They’d say oh Jordan, it’s ok. But now I’m just a smiling man who can’t even fake a cry. I’m like Pinocchio and all I need is an onion to give me the courage to act like a real boy. I go to the store and all I see is darkness. Peaches. Plums. They’re all there. As if to taunt me and say, you don’t matter. All I want are onions now but they don’t exist. Did they ever exist? Do I exist? Am I an onion? Now I’m crying. I’m real.”