Satire: Jordan Peterson on Greed

“I bought a bag of cheese the other day. It was mozzarella. A small bag of organic shredded. Five dollars. Cash. On the surface, no big deal. Look at the fine print though. Part skim! What? Am I reading that right? Part skim! Ah! Wow. I thought to myself. I was duped. What losers are we? We buy something and don’t even realize we’re being scammed because we go with an empty stomach. It’s wisdom straight out of a Buddhist Temple but I was using the mindset of a frat boy. You can’t always go through life rudderless. Here’s how to solve that. Eat yourself fat before going into a grocery store. It’s the only way to not give a rats ass about desire. Get gross to go grocery shopping is what I say now. Eat a steak. And then have a few more bites. Eat until you hate your retched life and are questioning your decisions. A pauper has no business in a King’s Castle. If you’re horny enough, dancing is no longer dancing. It’s a battle to make your boner less obvious. Wisdom comes when you have nothing left to c*m. The same goes for having room to eat. Get full. Pray. And then maybe you won’t buy a sack of scam milk. I payed full price dammit! I didn’t expect to see that some of the ingredients were swapped with filler milk. You know what I did? I shoved it all down the toilet. I had to. What purpose did it have if it was going to be, excuse me for my language, dry as friggen f*ck?! I had to call a plumber after and explain to him why I did it in the first place. Do you know how hard it is to talk cheese, wisdom, and principles with someone that won’t even pull up their britches? It was a mess.”