Satire: Fat Bill Maher on Dating

​“New Rule: If you don’t want to f*ck me... and let’s be real. Who does? Can you at least buy me a burger? I go out of my way to walk up to you after my paynus (penis) gets the giggle and the wiggle and the best you can do is get disgusted? Listen. I don’t need your dusty, never do well vagina to have a good life. I have The Food Network and Pork Rinds. And if you do invite me over, please don’t get weird if I ask to see your leftovers. Why do you think I was staring at your ass? It’s a tell all sign. Big ass, big fridge. And you know you’re not going to eat it all anyway. So please... stop pretending you don’t like a man that can eat his weight in food. You’re not all that and a bag of chips, but if you are I’ll take the chips. It’ll go well with the burger. Okayyy.”