Satire: Fat Bill Maher Takes a Fat Dump on the Subway

“New Rule: Don’t shit where you eat. But everything else is up for grabs. Even the subway. I took a dump the other day. It felt good! And yes, I know it was in public. Why did I do it? Because I can. Can you? Probably not. So before you go analyzing my anal activities, why don’t you face up to the fact that you’re. Just. Jealous. There, I said it. And you know it’s true. You just can’t stand someone with as much self respect as I have doing my routine wherever I please. Like a king. You know, there are bathrooms for a reason. For the rest of society. I, for one, will not lower myself to being one of you. And for those who have enough respect to ask how it was, I’ll tell you. It was big, wet, and flaccid. Okayyy.”